Yesterday, as I was mindlessly scrolling through social media stories, I came across a quote that really caught my attention.
“The more chances you give someone the less respect they’ll start to have for you. They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you set because they will know another chance will be given. They’re not afraid to lose you because they know no matter what you won’t walk away. They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you.”
The individual who happened to share the quote, clearly seemed to be coming from a neutral perspective. It was clear that they themselves had not written it, but rather, were looking for an opinion on the idea. This was obvious because they were doing a poll on it. Because I couldn’t disagree with it more, I felt compelled to tap the “disagree” option. I have to say, I was not surprised to find my vote was the least popular opinion. When I let it all tumble around my head a bit more–as I often do with these types of things–I found myself increasingly drawn to the idea of rewriting the quote from a completely different perspective. When I sat down to do this, an essay come out. I’m warning you, it’s long! But, I have chosen to share those words with you because I believe they are valuable to our spiritual evolution. I feel it’s important to add that this perceptive has not come from ideals I downloaded from someone else; they have been drawn from a collection of my own life’s experiences.
I’m aware that nothing is absolute, so I can appreciate that there’s an element of truth in the original quote too. However, I found the absoluteness of it to be disturbing, and so I felt called to offer an alternate perspective. Unfortunately, I don’t know who the original author was, so at this time, I’m unable to give credit where it’s due. At any rate, I am grateful to them for writing it, so that it could ignite this stream of consciousness I about to share with you.
So here it goes…
“The more chances you give someone the more respect they will have for you, because the more they can see that you are bulletproof.
As they are gifted more and more opportunities to see you through a more truthful lens, they will begin to release the false ideas and illusions they’ve created in their mind about you.
If they do not use these gifts for their own expansion of consciousness, that is their loss… not yours.
You will not have to set any standards because nothing they do or say can affect you. That is, if you remain accountable for yourself by concentrating on doing your own work, so that you can continue to sustain your own sense of personal power, along with the feelings of fullness and security that come from within.
And because of the truth that the most dangerous people of all are insecure people, they will eventually find enormous amounts of comfort in your incredible stability.
As they stop seeing you as either predator or prey, they will seize to have any reason to harm you, disrespect you, push you away, or treat you with anything other than love and neutrality.
They will begin to ignore other people’s standards and instead emulate you, because love always fucking wins.
They will grow afraid to lose you because they know that—unlike most others—you are among the rare few that’s willing put their ego aside so that you can love and accept them unconditionally.
As you continually show them that you are willing to understand where they are coming from, and that you’re unlikely to turn your back on them for all of the reasons most people would, they start to trust you in ways they have never trusted another before—forming an unbreakable bond that will extend beyond this lifetime.
They will find great comfort in your forgiveness, empathy, compassion, love, and stillness.
In your strength and resilience, they will witness enormous power. Eventually they will become unwilling to let anyone disrespect you—including themselves.
You will show them that the self-fulfilling prophecies and/or limiting beliefs they have stored about themselves in their subconscious, are not as true as previous patterns may have indicated.
You might even help them heal in ways that could ripple out, increasing the vibration of the entire planet.
Don’t bother trying to understand the complexity of why the universe has chosen you to be the one who rubs up against this other soul.
Just focus on what you have control over—you. Keep doing the work you need to do to be able to be the change that you wish to see.
When you’re awarded the opportunity to walk this bumpy road with another soul, you are simultaneously blessed with an opportunity to build a bond and level of connection few people ever get to create—trust me, I have been lucky enough to build quite a few incredible bonds in this exact way.
If that doesn’t happen, and instead the story ends different, that’s fine too; it’s easier when we remain detached from any particular outcome.
At the root, there are only two emotions—love and fear. We are essentially one. Only fear creates a need for separateness from each other. So if another person is not loving you, or they show disrespect towards you, that is a sign of some kind of fear.
Before judging them, ask yourself what is it about me that has triggered such a response within them? Allow for a bit of room in both your mind and heart, as you acknowledge that you have no idea what that person has endured in their lifetime that makes them feel they need to act in any way other than love towards you.
If you have chosen Love as your religion and another person treats you with disrespect, if you respond in any way other than love and compassion towards them, you have lost twice.
Do not let their inability to see your worth inhibit your ability to see your own. Take comfort in knowing that their opinion of you has nothing to do with you.
Never let a person who is uncomfortable with a little disrespect tell you how to love another person; or who you should welcome with open arms into your tribe.
Your own intuition will know best; trust and listen to the calls from within. Sometimes that means you choose to walk away, and other times that may mean you need to be a pillar of strength in both of your lives. Don’t let my words, or an any other quote on the internet determine which road you deem it best to travel down.
Regardless of which of these two paths you choose—for your own wellbeing—it’s wise to do the work to neutralize the charge between the two of you. Otherwise, you will have to carry that charge around—which draws from the light around you.
If respect comes from the self, no one can force you to give it up.
Those who need to be respected by others all of the time are depending on outside sources to maintain feelings of personal power. Therefore they lack stability from within. Therefore they are insecure. Therefore they are the most dangerous of the bunch. Therefore it is they who should not be trusted.
When you have unwavering trust for yourself, you will see no need to store a charge on another person in your nervous system. That liberated energy can be more usefully directed towards your own expansion of consciousness. Ironically, that makes you even more full inside, and that much more unbreakable.
And because you like and respect you, all other likes and/or respect from others will just be bonuses—they neither make or break anything.
If the disrespect by others ignites any feeling other than neutrality, that feeling brings conscious awareness that there’s a crack inside. Once you go inward and work to fulfil what is missing inside, you will have no other choice than to thank the other person for giving you the experience. In effect, you will automatically feel neutral about them, along with their actions.
This is true freedom.
What an incredibly powerful gift a little friction with another soul can be.
Never be uncomfortable with a little friction.”
– Maria Ayne